All the Lonely People (Myself Included)

Statue of Eleanor Rigby on Stanley Street, Liverpool, UK

I'm a wife, a mom, a yoga teacher and a volunteer, who has lived in the same city for 21 years and in the same state my entire life, save one summer during college. I know a lot of people, yet I often feel lonely.

I feel lonely despite having made many mama friends and acquaintances through my kids' school communities over the years.

I feel lonely despite teaching 7 different yoga classes in 4 different locations every week.

I feel lonely despite volunteering once a week at an adult day center full of smiling grand-folks.

I feel lonely despite having moved two years ago to a new neighborhood surrounded by many warm, welcoming neighbors, who actually get together throughout the year.

I feel lonely despite having many extended family members who live fairly close.

I feel lonely despite having married my childhood sweetheart, who is a true partner in our family life.

I feel lonely despite having two children I adore, who at 10 and 9 still want their mama a lot.

I feel lonely often, despite having a full life surrounded by loved ones, and I don't think I'm alone in feeling this way.

I know some of it for me might have to do with my stage of life. Parenting children is all-consuming, and even when you get an opportunity to socialize with adults, you have to have one ear tuned in to the kids if they're present--and even if they're not, I find that at least some of my brain space remains  with them. If I'm being totally honest, I'm nearly always talking about them!

Let's face it--you can't connect in a deep way with other people when you're not fully present with them, and I think that contributes to loneliness, no matter how much time you spend with others. Of course the frenetic pace of life also hinders deep connection.

Ocracoke Island is one of my family's favorite places, largely because of its slow pace, which is a byproduct of its tiny population and its inhabitants' commitment to maintaining its quiet, friendly character. When I reflect on our time at Ocracoke, I don't have a sense that I've ever felt lonely there. This makes me wonder if there's something about living in a heavily populated area that actually contributes to loneliness...people everywhere doing their own thing inside their houses and offices and heads.

Everyone knows that technology has allowed us to be more connected in a material sense than ever before and in ways previously unimagined--across cities, states, countries and even continents--but many have suggested we are lonelier than ever before.

I don't know enough to understand the why behind this dynamic. Perhaps loneliness is simply part of the human condition. After all, there is not a single other human experiencing the world in the same way that each of us is. As they say, we come into the world alone, and we leave this world alone, and as homo sapiens we are distinctly aware of this fact. Maybe that's partly why we crave togetherness while we're here, yet also require alone time. We're both social and solitary beings, and we feel a continuous tension between the two.

I certainly don't have an answer to fix all this loneliness (which to be clear isn't necessarily connected to being alone), but I think I have at least one possible antidote for some of it. This suggestion won't be a surprise coming from me:

Get thee to a yoga class!

Here's the thing. You can be an introvert, go to a yoga class and feel a deep sense of connection through the practice without actually talking to anyone. You can be an extrovert, go to a yoga class, feel that same deep connection, and talk to people afterward. Win-win!

Students tell me all the time, "There's just something about being in a yoga class," and it's true. I personally feel a profound fullness in my human-beingness when I practice yoga with others that I don't feel in most other aspects of my life, including when I practice alone. I think doing yoga with others creates a heart-level connection that continues to feed one's spirit even after leaving class.

Furthermore, those who stick with a yoga class for an extended period of time, regardless of whether they are introverts or extroverts or fall somewhere in between, come to cherish the real sense of community their weekly class provides.

As a teacher and a mom of young kids, it's difficult for me to get to my own yoga class, but I've been reminded recently just how much I, too, need it. So I'm going to do my best to get myself back to a regular class, some way, somehow. I hope you will, too.